When we start a new relationship, we love everything about that person. We have the utmost respect for their boundaries, their likes and dislikes, and for their individuality. But what happens when you get further into the relationship and slowly the respect fades? How do you recover from something like that and can it ever be the same?
I refer to my parents relationship a lot because let's face it, they have been through some stuff and as my momma tells me all the time, "only by the grace of God did we make it!". I know a lot of what went on in their relationship because I was the youngest and paid the most attention (sorry mom, bet you didn't know that). I will not give details because that is not my story to tell, but I will get to the meat and potatoes of it and the bottom line is, they lost and found respect. I firmly believe this is why I can be a forgiving person, sometimes when I shouldn't be or I should have walked away. But I also believe that what I do to a person, when I chose to forgive them, or let them back in, or whatever whatever (omg my dad just came out!). That is between me and my God, what they do with it or what they chose to continue to do, is between them and theirs.
I am in no way saying I am allowing myself to be a doormat for anyone, on the contrary, anyone who really knows me knows that is the absolute last thing I will allow. But when the respect is gone in a relationship, the harsh words become said more than the loving ones, the arguing, the dread of going home, not wanting to be around them, being so unhappy that you hope that your mask hides what pain you are feeling, what do you do? When is enough, enough?
I often think of how many times we are forgiven for the things we continue to do, and yes mother I do listen to what you say! How often do we lose the respect for God, but he still brings us back into him, with open arms, which is asinine to me! But I am not him and he is not hiring, so let's move along. Does he ever feel like that, when is enough, enough? How does he bring his bride back into his good graces, without even so much as a thought towards what happened, but we can't do the same?
So many questions, I may never have the answers to until one day. For now, I can only work towards answering one thing. The Respect is gone, now what?! Where do I go from here and what do I do? God help me figure this one out!