For the past couple of months, I have been struggling with the fact that I am home ALL THE TIME!!!!!! I am alone in the parenting of my children, as their dad goes out to bring home the bacon. (oooooh Bacon!!!!!)
One thing that has been getting to me the most, is the feeling of not wanting to be here any more. Now, that is not in the sense of crazy talk, like I'm going to do something stupid. It is,however, in the sense of I need a break, not a breakdown, a break. A night alone in a hotel, where I can read, eat whatever I want and not have to share, not have to answer a million questions about makeup, boys, girl troubles, or Batman.
I take pride in the way I raise my children, but the fact still remains, MOMMY NEEDS A BREAK!
Last night, I called my sister, who I knew wouldn't judge me for that fact. She listened to me cry and say that I am a bad mother, because I don't want to be around my kids. Not permanently, just for a little bit. I am tired and did I even have a right to feel like I am tired, because I am home and not at work? She loved me through it all and said, "Of course you do, because you are home and being home is harder than anything else, specially when you didn't make the choice on your own to be home."
She knows that I would never and could never give up my babies, but she also understands that I have been doing this since I was a kid myself, and I am at the point of needing a breather.
I share all of this with you, because I want you to know that it is okay. It is okay to feel like you are about to lose you ish, it is okay to not want to fold the laundry, clean the kitchen, make dinner, or to even bathe the kids (please don't let this one go on for too long, we don't want orphan children running around). I want you to know that, we are human and if you are an amazing mother, you love so deeply that you feel as though you will drown yourself in it.
Yes we were made to carry the load of the family. Yes, we are strong enough to handle it, but at some point, you need to break down in order to maintain that strength. Which probably doesn't sound right, but trust me it is. After I cried and hung up with my wonderful sister, I felt a million times better and was able to face it.
With that being said, this brings me to my next point; IT IS OK TO LET YOUR CHILDREN KNOW WHEN YOU NEED A MINUTE!!!!!
Can't say it any louder for those in the back! It is honestly okay to be real with your children, assuming they are old enough to understand when you just need a break. I felt horrible last night when I cried because I forgot to buy Ziploc bags. My oldest walked up to me and asked what was wrong, because he knew that it wasn't about bags. I was straight up with him and said, " I am a horrible mother, because I really just don't want to be around any of you guys right now."
I know this would sound horrible to any woman who wants to pretend like her stay at home life is perfect and she doesn't see herself doing anything but staying home and raising her babies. Which, lets face it, I've seen you perfect mother in the liquor store, buying them handles of Vodka. My life would seem perfect then too! But, the truth remains, we all need an out.
I say to be real with your kids, because they need to know that life isn't perfect, their mother wasn't perfect, and that reality kicks you in the balls harder than anything you could ever imagine. At least I know they will grow up to say, "My mother went through that and she made it through. I will be okay." My oldest knew what I was getting at, because he hugged me, said I wasn't a bad mom and never could be, handed me a drink and told me to sit down, he would finish dinner. That's how I know, I taught him that it is okay to be tired, its not okay to give up. Its okay to need help, it's not okay to carry the world by yourself.
Please reach out to me if you ever feel like you are tired. If you need to vent, need advice, or even a drink. Reach out to me and we will build our tribe of tired full of love mothers!!! Above all, remember that you are not a bad mom for not wanting to be needed at any given moment!
A little tid bit that my sister had to remind me of!