Allow Me to Feel, but Don't Let Me wallow...

I am currently a stay at home wife. That is my job, and there are days that I feel like I just want to stay in my night clothes, eat bon bons, and cry on the couch. However, I know that it wouldn't make me feel any better about anything, I would start to slip deeper and deeper into depression.

Depression is one of the things that I have long since dealt with, since I was young. For the longest time I didn't realize that is what it was, but once I started to talk about it a little more, it came to my heart to start dealing with it. As hard as it was to admit, I had to start understanding that I was not alone with it and that there were ways to handle the stress of it, along with the daily struggles of it all. Some of these struggles included not wanting to do anything, except cry; other days, it consisted of me being so overly productive that I couldn't sit still, only because I didn't want to think about why I was feeling that way.

We are so often told that it could be worse, "imagine if you didn't have that to be sad about" "think of the ones who don't have this or that, be thankful...." The problem with this is, although it could be so much worse, who is to say what we can handle and what we should be thankful for? Why do people feel the need to tell us what we can feel and why? This is one of the reasons I always vowed that I would allow my children to feel. Feel what you want, but let's find a way to handle those feelings in a positive way.

Anyone who has known me for any stretch of time, knows that I am the last one to talk about dealing with how you feel in a positive way. I get emotional, I get upset, happy, sad, angry, indifferent; These are all things that I am allowed to feel, but how I express them is something completely different. I firmly believe that a lot of people seclude themselves, because they are not able to express their feelings, emotions, thoughts, etc. We learn to shut down in order to not have to face the fact that there is something we are not dealing with. We are scared. There is nothing wrong with that, but what is wrong is taking it out on everyone else because they don't know what is going on and aren't handling you in the way you think they need to.

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have been told, "Fix your face and you'll feel better. Get dressed and you'll feel better. Take a shower, take a bath, practice self care, blah blah blah." The problem is, what if my laying on the couch and binge watching Ghost Whisperer or My 600 lb Life is my way of coping with something of this magnitude? Do I really have to get all dolled up in order to make myself feel better? Maybe I just need to snuggle my dogs, maybe that hug and kiss from my babies is what will bring some sunshine to me.

I guess what I am trying to say is this, we all deal with things differently. We all cope with stress and sadness in ways that others may not understand. Projecting what we think someone should do, or how they should act, or what they should say, isn't going to help anything; Sometimes it might actually just make it worse. So sit there in the dark with your friends, be there for them in silence, but by their sides.

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